It was crazy in dream town last night!  Here is what I have to say to the celebrity who was passing off used "spirits" as her own by guilding them in cheap looking gold leaf: they were never yours to begin with.  Most of the wisdom of this world is simply rediscovered.  No one can lay claim to wisdom, we can only be responsible for how we interpret and share it with others.  What surprised me most was how visibley used they looked, but everyone was so taken aback by the celebrity status of this woman, they didn't even question what they were getting.  I think that happens alot.  We are so taken in by appearances that our common sense goes out the window.  The dream continued by me holding her baby, which preceeded to shit all over me.  Thankfully we were outside, and the universe supplied a garden hose so I could rinse off.  I had knee high rubber boots too, so my feet never got dirty, which is steeped in symbology of its own.  Anyway, I wasn't bothered by it as much as irritated by the fact that we want to claim so much for our own, and arn't willing to clean up the mess that follows.  Then, I found an outfit that fit me like a glove, muted red and white prison like stripes in four pieces also steeped in symbolism, I will say that I'm not afraid to show my stripes!

This morning I walked into our clinc and it was 88 degrees inside.  They must have been working on the buildings heating system this weekend and forgot to turn it off.  Even with the windows open, I feel myself falling into the occasional heat induced stupor, like a contiual hot flash.  My husband is ringing wet and actually had to wipe his hands off to use his computer!  I can't think, except to say that I could never live in the South with with heat like this, no matter how matter how "Cat on a hot tin roof" it is.  No matter how you look at it, arm pit stains and a wet neck are not sexy!  I have nothing to hold up my hair so it's sticking to the back of my neck like wall paper.  It feels like a backwards day, outside is 20 cooler than inside and I just received a check in the mail from an insurance company for .01 cent, which is so much less than the paper and postage to send the damn thing!  Let's hope the rest of the day turns it around....

Every once in awhile, I have a bad spell with my back.  I turned funny the other day, and popped a rib out.  It's not as bad as it sounds, but it hurts.  Oh it got put back in place, but every time I sneezed or turned it felt like someone stabbed me in the back.  Last night my son's baseball team had a pizza party and softball game against all the parents.  I couldn't play.  I couldn't twist to swing a bat, or reach up or back to catch or throw a ball.  IT SUCKED!  I felt like won of those girly girls who can't hit anything for their lives (no disrespect intended to the baseball impared).  I wanted to blast one out of the park, to impress Riley, yeah, I admit it.  But, his dad and all the other parents played awesome, and just killed them.  Humble pie, for our champions, and for the mom who sat on the sidelines cheering!

 

This past weekend marked the last tournament in a very long and arduous baseball season for our family.  I can't tell you the miles I put on our vehicle two to three nights a week and pretty much every weekend since the end of May.  No more camping chairs and sunflower seeds spit all over the place.  No more sick stomache every time my kid struck out because he was nervous, and I know he was nervous because when he was at bat his shoulders kept rising until it looked as if he had no neck.  No more dads screaming when their kid would make an error.  No more passive aggressive parents who would not so secretly complain how their kid should be the one playing all the time and in the best positions.  I can breath again...until football starts, and then here we go again.  We did host the end of the season party at our house, and the temp outside was so cold, they stayed in the heated water because it was the warmest place to be.  The parents?  We drank.  And ate, and then drank alot more.  Steve and I were both sober, he because he doesn't drink much, and me because alchohol doesn't do much.  I'm just glad it's over.

 

Dream land is full, someone stole my shoes!

All of us are a single thread in a many colored tapestry.  Most are unaware how an individual thread intertwines and affects the pattern of the weave.  The reason I pay so much attention to the subtle nuances of life, is that so often the simplest of gestures promulgate the beginning of an important pattern for someone else.  Everytime I host a gathering where new people are introduced, I envision great things that could happen as a result of that connection, or whenever I offer a simple gesture of kindness to someone who is in sore need of one, I think of the possibilities of them extending the kindness to others that may inevitably save a life.  This is how a thread gets woven into a pattern.  The truth of the matter is that we, as a single thread, may never know how the intermingling of one thread with another we will effect the greatness of the whole.  When I invision the theme of my tapestry, it is rooted in the faith that all my actions, no matter how small and seemingly insignificant are reflected in the total beauty of the whole.  There can be beauty found in all things, even the greatest of tragedies.  Having said all that, I am also aware of how the threads are easily stretched or weakened by our actions...like when I scream at my boys for screaming at each other.  I invision a tangle that tightens with every scream.  That is when I pray for help to untangle the mess, for I also believe that the divine weaver is there to help us when we ask.  So we should just ask...for help...more often. 

I know I've mentioned before that I'm an acute observer, that I live in small increments and that every moment has meaning to the whole.  Every once in awhile, I will fall apart, just a little bit when I suddenly recognize that the nuances in important relationships subtly undermine my gifts and abilities and magnify my weaknesses.  It's hard when you finally see it and put it all together, when someone wants you to succeed, but not too much so that you can imerge from the shadow they create.  I'm not sure its even fully conscious behavior, but it is, nonetheless, still very depressing.  I fully can appreciate why I am standing where I am, I chose my place, but when I prayed to understand it, this is what I began to see.  I'm not sure what to do with this, except that whenever it happens I need to alter what my response will be.  Perhaps then, I will learn to stand in a different place, free from shadows.

A friend sent me this picture from my 50th, I was so glad the sun came out...and the pig was ready!

 

A dear friend made a book with my boys for my birthday, and these are some of the pages, they fit their personalities perfectly....

 

Every once in awhile, I am rendered speechless.  I know, you can hardly imagine it and neither can I, quite frankly.  I won't get into particulars, but it definitely has to do with fools giving advice.  Who is a fool, you ask?  Well, any one of us who thinks they can be a dispensory of wisdom while never following their own advice.  I am the first to say that I dispense what I think is wisdom ALL THE TIME!  This blog is a testamony to that subject matter...and there is a but coming...BUT, I more than anyone struggle to apply and live by the words I share here.  I certainly fail alot of the time, at least initially...but if there were awards for effort, I would have a wall of gold stars.  Anyway, I will keep my mouth shut and listen to this person and not point out that he is holding a kettle and it's black.  I'm just saying....

 

Dream land is busy, and I'm glad to spend time with my actor friend, whose face seems to be covered with moles these days...no idea what that means, and he is wanting to gamble on something, I was sorry I didn't get a chance to check on the odds for him though.  He seems to be intrigued by the law or lawyers.

Yeah, I should have known that the spiritual high I've been moving in would be followed by some watcher in hell yelling "Hey!, Mary's too happy" and then would systematically push a button releasing some noxious substance that I would have to contend with.  I had an inkling yesterday when it appeared that nothing would go right, where you think you have every set up to move smoothly and then people don't do their part and nothing at all works.  I don't want to get into specifics because it's just not nice, suffice it to say I uncovered two gifts yesterday, the first being that if I say I'm going to do something I do it especially if it involves other people depending on me.  I am reliable.  The second, while not pretty can be useful in certain situations...like the apocalypse, or like the what I found in my garage yesterday.  It seems the pig, the picture of which is on this space, while delicious in a sandwich wasn't too pretty with it's guts and leftover parts in a garbage bag that our lovely pig masters (and I truly mean that) forgot to put in the garbage after they carved said pig.  Mind you the party was 9 days ago.  The smell had to been akin to something you would smell in hell.  There were maggots and all sorts of other creepy crawlies.  You might ask how I didn't notice it earlier.  Well, one of the men in my house, or maybe all of them saw the bag and rather that throw it away, opened the third garage door and just left it open and the smell wafted out into the woods and all the woodland creatures yelled. "Party at the Edling's"  What was slowly turning into goo in the garage were the parts even the wild animals don't want.  I can never watch the TV show Bones, again without wanting to puke my guts out...because I did, it was just that bad.  Not wanting to touch anything I found as many disposable items as I could find and scooped it up and triple bagged it and threw buckets of water and dawn dishwashing detergent to wipe away as much as I could.  There is still a crusty mess that stood as a pedestal to the bag, but that will have to wait for another time.  The second gift I spoke about?  I get the job done...no matter what.  And if you don't think that takes courage, well then I suggest you go grab some roadkill and then let it sit in your garage for ten days and see what a sensory assault you face.  If I had a choice I would rather eat bugs....and I really hate bugs.  After a scalding shower, I am clean once again...and hoping I won't find any more surprises.

It was wonderful to have a four day weekend.  I have, however, had my fill of snacking, sun and fourth of July celebrating.  We had people poolside almost everyday and they ate almost as much as the men at my house.  Most were very gracious about bringing food, but somehow I still found myself up in the kitchen throwing things together...sun is exhausting afterall.  To be outside, in a bathing suit all day long and do nothing much of significance was the best medicine I could have hoped for.  It is great to be finally sporting a solid tan after such a hard winter and hear the birds and mowers and all the other sounds of summer.  This was the first weekend where I finally felt like it was summertime.  The atmosphere was relaxed and filled with the music of outdoors and our poolside sound system...it was as close to perfect as could be.  As relaxed as I was, though, I still fell into bed exhausted every night to dream of multitudes of people.  It's funny how tired I felt this morning to start the routine again, and curiously I didn't mind.

Perhaps it was because the alarm went off at 4:30  this morning, so I could take my son up to the highschool for his very first band trip, or it could be the volume of images that I woke with in my head this morning, but I'm exhausted.  It would be nice once in awhile for dream land to include lounging on a beach chair by the ocean with an ice cold gin and tonic instead of all the events I'm part of every night.  I won't moan any further except to say that I have black circles under my eyes that only my glasses cover up and I spent the morning debugging my husband's computer because when he was looking up Dick's sportswear online, his buddy told him just to type in dicks.com, yeah you can just imagine the rest of the story, at least we both laughed until we cried, I get that way when I'm tired.  But I digress.  This is what I learned last night.  All of us are essential, albeit vulnerable and a bit clueless elements of transforming this planet.  If we have faith that all our steps, even those that may become misguided by our limited knowledge, will lead us to a better place we will get there.  We are never alone.  If we are open to a greater love, and for me that is God, we will have the protection we need to get where we need to go.  A desire for goodness and love and a whole lot of fearlessness is the best place to start.

So far the day has been a harried one.  We're closing the clinic Thursday and Friday so we're trying to fit in as many as possible today, which means we'll see about 85 people in one day.  It's worth it though, having FOUR DAYS OFF IN A ROW!  My husand never takes two working days off in a row just to relax, so I'm looking forward to it.  Connor is going on his first high school band trip tomorrow which means there will also be no bickering for four days.  I look forward to sitting by the pool and wiling away the time with friends, fireworks and sleep.  I have to say all the late night revelling from my birthday is finally catching up to me.  I haven't stayed up intil 3:30 in the morning in a very long time.  There were plenty of people who were suffering plenty the next day, I felt fresh...good even...chalk that up to my body's seeming inability to metabolize alchohol.  I must say the overwhelming love of the day was the best present I could ask for.  The couple who directed the day, never asked for a dime and they put on a party that will go into the history books as one of the most perfect birthdays ever, as did the boys who smoked the pigs.   One was a neighbor, the other his friend from Iowa who I had never met before who was enlisted to help out.  He had so much fun and felt so welcomed that after my neighbor said he would donate his pig, he decided to donate the other.   It feels good to bring great people together.  Even my own parents were overwhelmed with the amount of great friends that showed up for me.  I am happy and feel so blessed.  And for now, I will revel in that love, for in my dreams big changes are coming.