I watched a dateline special last week on the existence of Satan, and it really bothered me...Those representing Satan, were an ex-prostitute and a popular fundamentalist preacher.  Not that I don't appreciate the irony of the preacher/prostitute combo,, come on...is that truly the best they can do?  The other side, arguing against Satan, was Depok Chopra, and a reformed demon thrasher now condemned by his church.  While I appreciate the wisdom of Depok, he was a bit condescending for any of his points to truly hit home to those advocates of the traditional Satan.  Evil doesn't exist, just lives rooted in shame and personal failures.  I'm sure every single "Christian" left praying for his immortal soul.  For the Christian side, fundamental or not, the most disturbing thing to me was what little emphasis they gave the strongest tenet of the Christian faith, that through the sacrifice of Christ, evil for the most part lost the battle.  Here's the funny thing about the sacrifice, it didn't require our permission and I believe we all benefit from it.  It isn't an exclusive club that demands payment, that's the thing about the salvific act of Christ, it really was free.  He died and rose, so that we may live.  The belief in this great act, and I know there are many that will disagree with me on this, is meant to infuse our owns lives with greater meaning and recieve further support and guidance through the holy spirit that he promised.  Belief in Christ should never have become a password to a door that opens or closes depending on a statement or a formula.  It appeared to me during he program that the argument for belief in Satan was leverage to accept Christ as one's personal savior, otherwise one is doomed to spend life plagued by demons and eternity in the company of a red, forked tailed, hoofed beast.  Here's the thing, though, I find all that fear crap, well, crap, and an insult to my intelligence and the very message of Jesus.  Literal belief in the gospel message demands that love come first and foremost, for as the gospel writer John tells us it is the one thing that will save us.   The opposite of that?  It isn't unbelief or the devil, the gospel writer continues by saying that the opposite of love, or God which to him is the same thing, is fear.  And because fear has to do with punishment, it cannot coincide with love.  And fear is what talk of the devil centers around.  It creates an unatural fear of some creature out here ready to get us, and gives greater power to the men we decide are his minions, the only way to avoid them all is to join the club.  Truthfully?  If you believe in what Jesus taught, you really should have no worry of an external source of depravity and evil, you wouldn't worry about well anything, period.  The gospel also tells us that.  Jesus didn't want to give us an excuse to abdicate our own personal responsibility for the evil human beings have done and have perpetuated in the world, especially those things done in his name.  The first place to start before we throw stones at the devil or amy body else is to look first and foremost into our own mirrors and face our own ability or lack thereof to embrace the sacrifice Christ made in our honor.  That doesn't mean that evil still can't have power.  We just have to rethink what it looks like.  Depok made a very good point about what we should think about: most every major war we've had in the modern world has been inspired by and fought in the name of orgnized religion.  What better way to destroy the power and efficacy of Christ's sacrifice than to twist it around so that it barely resembles itself after a while?  I think true evil is more like the wolf in sheep's clothing Jesus referred to.  Saying we act in the name of God, doesn't make it so.  Love is a power beyond any one of us and won't be defined by or controlled by us.  We'd just screw it up, much like we already have.  So I say, the devil may exist...but he is powerless over me as long as I keep open to and transformed by love, the way Jesus taught me to.

Both my sons are on spring break this week, with this year being the second time in their school history that they've had a full week off.  Most everyone is facebooking me from exotic locations and while the weather here is like Winnie the Pooh's blustery day, and not the romantic English countryside kind.  It is the cold rainy, almost snowy kind that goes right to your bones, makes everyone crabby and a little bit paranoid...like you're not really sure if the scrunched up look and hands thrust in pockets is a precurser to going postal.  I try to keep my attitude upbeat, but somehow I keep coming across sarcastic, "Have a nice day...yeah, for sure the weather will get better"  I know I'm not convincing, but I'm beginning to believe that the newest ice age has come and we are doomed to look like Iceland for the rest of history.  My sons are in a gaming coma because it's too crappy to do much of anything.  The one highlight they had was to go to Mpls for the car show with their dad and even that was a dissappointment.  It seems noone can afford to present their showy new cars let alone do anything flashy, so they came home disappointed and a bit despondant.  I was just glad to not have to listen to the phrase, "Mom I'm bored" and their bitchy responses when I gave them a list of chores (the same list that my parents gave me whenever I had the audacity to even look bored, ah traditions)  It's nearly 5 o-clock and I'm sure both boys are still in their pajamas playing battlefield II or some other game the military uses to dement young minds...It also seems that neither of them inherited my passion for passivism.

 

As for dream land, Will Smith paid an awkward visit, was more interested in my computer than me.  I asked him if he was secretly a scientologist...and was Tom Cruise a nice guy or seriously disturbed, no answer to either question.....So weird.

I dreamt last night that I was looking at what looked like a game table and my job was to move orbs of light across the table to their final place.  As I began my task, each orb had it's own path toward an end, then Madonna, the entertainer, not Our Lady, appeared at the end of the table and began to take all the orbs of light as her own.  I was indeed frustrated, but it wasn't within my power to take the orbs back.  The meaning?  Hell if I know, except she was dressed in her black leather tight clothes and seemed to be all about consumption of these orbs...it was creepy, just like her.  She had this Michael Jackson quality about her, crazy yet creating some kind of sympathy.

As it happens, now that I am up and running again, the other three are down.  So, the three men in my house have laid claim to the three couches, on three different levels, all in front of three different television sets...my husband overdid it in preparation for when everything goes digital...each with their own box of kleenex and remote.  Since they are under the weather, they have been relatively quiet beyond the nose blowing and the barking cough.  I made sure I spent time with all three of them.  Steve was immersed in March Madness, Connor and I watched action movies and Riley is into comedy, namely "Dude, where's my car" and the Simpsons.  Kind of a boring weekend for them, but relatively AWESOME for me, because I could leave the house and do stuff and read books all by myself while they convalesed.  Having a cold is so much easier to be around because it demands so much less of my time, having no vomit to clean up or problems with the toilets.  They were all fine tucked into their respective corners, napping on and off, but not too sick to get up and get food when they needed it.  Maybe they should be sick more often.  I might get more peace and quiet. 

Today my nose is as red as my hair.  A testament to the arrival of spring, I have been sneezing continuously for three days.  Since spring allergies have arrived and the plants are teeming with life, I guess its safe to say that winter is over.  I wish I didn't look like the female version of Rudolf with kleenex shoved in every possible place I can find to shove it.  My eyes are so itchy that I have to wear my glasses, and while they are slammin frames, the red nose cancels out any cool factor there.  I haven't really found any allergy medicine that I care for, that doesn't either make me hyper or put me to sleep, so I tend to wash my face alot, just to clean the pollin out.  I am happy for the 65 degree day, but I could do without the runny nose.

It seems there are plenty out there who are interested in the taming of the wood fox story from the book, the little prince.  That makes me particularly happy because establishing ties and being responsible to those connections are what will save us in the end.  I don't believe, however, that people really understand what is necessary to make those connections last.  There is talk of "hooking up," "friends with benefits," anonymous relationships online and over the phone.  Those connections don't create ties, they abdicate any responsibility to the other person.  They are shallow and empty.  The reason I really like the taming of the wood fox story, is that it highlights the time and effort that one must put into establishing the kind of ties that bind us together and transform our perception of our world.  Because when we tame one another, we begin to understand each other, and with that understanding comes true friendship.  But the ritual creating ties has been forgotten, the rhythm that comes with the consistency of time spent is replaced with twitter, texting and the connections of convenience.  I'm not slamming these things entirely, they are good ways to connect, but nothing can replace personal contact, wasting time in the present, physically with someone.  Then the secrets of taming are clear: "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.  It is the time you wasted for those your friends that makes them so important.  You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."   These secrets are made even more poignant at a time when the ties we have made will help us through this difficult time.  Physical presence, not electronic will hold us up to face the future, we can't lose that art.

 

In dreamland, I was driving down a highway that was covered over in mattresses...soften the road, bring the unconscious to the road? hmmmm  Then I was handed four or five cranes to nurture and care for...they were so tiny they fit into the palm of my hand.

I hate talking to my children about the economy, but alas I couldn't justify telling them that the reason we weren't going anywhere for spring break was because puberty didn't suit them well.  They can't quite understand the trickle down effect for businesses like ours, even though we're busier than ever, EVERYTHING costs more and insurance companies are compensating less.  We don't live extravagantly, at all.  But when my eldest son saw me cutting out coupons his face got a bit pale and he asked me if we were going to lose our house...seriously for those who know me cutting out coupons is in the same behavioral vein as wearing pearls when I clean...So, I just sighed and casually alluded to our grocery budget matching the bailout amount.  He smiled, but could see on my face that there was some truth behind the sarcasm.  None in the men in my house like to do without, and even though their tastes center around food and very simple pleasures, they can always learn to live more simply.  I told both the boys we can't afford to shut down the clinic for ten days, we're too busy and when we're not here, we don't make any money.  So, I'll have to be creative and figure out a way to spend vacation time right here at home. 

 

As my dreams go, more and more people are asking me if I know them, or asking me for some favor.  It is all very strange.  I've seen buildings made of sand fall apart, and yet new driveways being built.  Some symbols I won't talk about here, because I don't understand them well enough to comment on them.  The world's changing though.