It appears we're in for another storm...it just started snowing and while it is beautiful, it is disasterous to drive in and of course that means many cancellations this afternoon at our clinic.  It got me thinking, of course.  When the circumstances of our lives become uncomfortable do we cancel our daily activities because it is just well too easier than being inconvenienced?  Sometimes I think we're all just waiting for the excuse to not do something, and hard times is the perfect one at the moment.  The word bad and economy are together all the time now, and the primary motivation for the phrase for "I can't"   Of course I realize that times are tough, I don't have my head in the sand...but come on people it's time for a little creativity.  God doesn't put our dreams on hold because a few got greedy.  I do, however, think God wants us to refocus how we are going to accomplish our goals, and like today's weather, it may mean difficulty, caution and some slow going.  I may not like doing my daily routine in a snow storm, but I also certainly refuse to sit idle.  I wish we didn't feel the need to bail out those who got us here, and although I did study international business/econ (my WORST class ever by the way) I know the problem is way too huge to simply let the chips fall where they may.  We need to shift our attitudes more toward life amidst a snowstorm is life as usual for awhile.  I can deal with that, I've often thought in the long run it will keep out the rifraff. 

One would think that when one's offspring are born with quick intelligence and never suffer when it comes to comprehension of material in school, said offspring would logically GET GOOD GRADES!  But noooooo, both my sons are actually failing core classes because they can't seem to embrace the concept of turning in ones homework, which nine times out of ten is already finished!  I'm tired of taking their stuff away, tired of the tears, and more than anything tired of the guilt of not being there after school to sit them down at our kitchen table to do the work with them because I, myself, am always at work.  Whether I like it or not, my presence at our business is crucial, and as much as my husband might like to disagree with me, the last time I left his business went downhill, mostly because while he's seeing hundreds of patients, it's virtually impossible to find the kind of help that can do everything else....but that is just me justifying why I'm here.  I know with very bright kids, they get bored with the mundane part of school work, however accomplishing mundane tasks is also an important part of life.  I don't want them to ever think that they are too good or smart to fulfill an obligation no matter how lame.  I think sometimes they believe that the world must alter itself to fit their particular set of circumstances, like I already understand the material, why should I do this stupid worksheet?  Well, like doing taxes, you need to report what you know once in awhile to someone in authority, so you can be, well, judged accordingly.  I know the public system is by far nothing close to perfect, but I can't tell you how frustrating it is to see such intelligent kids fail at it.  We augment their education at home by all sorts of activities and other stimulation, so I can't believe that it's 100% their fault, but I certainly hold them accountable for not fulfilling their obligations.  So, I'm a bit stuck, and thanking God that colleges don't look at middle school grade point averages. 

The theme of the last two days?  Vomit, cleanser and momma's raw skin.  My sons are down for the count, and my husband looks a bit pale today too.  Me?  God gave me an iron constitution so whenever the fluids flow, I'm there to clean it up....So, beyond that, today there isn't much to say.

 

The dinner party was AWESOME, much food and wine and the Sunday that followed we all mimiced beached whales, once in awhile that is good.

 

Dreaming about future times, freaking me out so I won't say more.

Today it's all about the chocolate.  Period.  The merger of such forces as the Aztecs, Spain, some good monks and alot of trial and error has brought us one of the great culinary feats of all time.  It's good for a shot of endorphin, cardiac health and general well being.  It tastes better than, well, ANYTHING.  So, the hell with Valentine's day and lets just celebrate the fact that chocolate has a better track record than most relationships.  As long as one practices moderation, we certainly don't need to add to the national diabetes crisis, it is a great life enhancement.  I'm hosting a dinner party for eight tomorrow night and thought for a minute, like the iron chef does, to make chocolate my secret ingredient, but I changed my mind and we're having a six course Italian meal, complete with tiramisu...and of course, Godiva chocolate.  I have to say, I haven't been this enthusiastic about a meal in a long time.  I could use a good six bottles of good chianti anyway.  The week has been rough and dreaming that terrorist movement was buying up and taking over the coffee industry didn't much help things out easier.  So, I plan on cooking, dining and drinking with good friends this weekend.  Happy Valentines Day!

The wind, it seems, was as disturbed as I was last night.  Beyond it shaking the house down to its very foundation, the wind's howl kept waking me up all night long.  Unlike the freezing rain that plagued some states, we just got the rain, and alot of it.  The thing about waking up alot though, is I remember ALL my dreams.  Dream number one was cryptic.  I dreamt that I was in a military jeep, I think on a base, and there were flying bugs everywhere. The funny thing was that the bugs were themselves little military jeeps flying around, and they meant us harm.  As hard as they tried to kill these bugs, I knew that the harder they tried, the stronger they got.  I kept trying to tell them that the best way to fight them was to do nothing at all and that would stop them.  Somehow whoever sent them knew that we would never do that and I was full of despair.  Then I dreamt that I was a police officer and was part of a group that captured the shy man, and as they cuffed him and threw him in the back of the police car, it was full of gravel, they told me I had to ride in the back with him.  I was pissed because he was such a pain in the ass.  Then they told my I'd have the pleasure of booking him, which gave me some solice.  When I looked at him, he had a baby face, like a child.  When he looked at mine, he saw and old woman who looked nothing like me and I laughed at how stupid he was.  I told him, "That just means I'm an old soul, you idiot, and you're a baby who doesn't know the half of it"   When we got to the police station the other cops had him wait on a couch, when I came in to book him, he was in the arms of another man.  The other two cops asked me if I had known he was gay, and surprisingly I responded, does it matter?  He's in trouble whether he's gay or straight."  When I woke up a third time, I had dreamt of many sad people who were in need of comfort and one by one letting them cry on my shoulder.  A movie actor tried to get too touchy and I pushed him away, and noticed I was wearing a plaid suit coat in variations of red spectrum, mostly fucia.  Beyond the crazy and obvious co-dependency issues I'm still working on, I am amazed at symbolism and the clarity of the dreams and the strangers that I am in contact with.  It was almost refreshing to wake up in my boring life, it creates balance somehow...even with the wind shaking my house.

Oh boy, the temperature was above freezing today and I was ready to plant my lawn chair on the driveway, don my bathing suit and sip a mohito in glorious anticipation of the coming spring.  The groundhog? well, shadow or no, he can just go back where he came from because there ain't no way, no how, that there will be six more weeks of an already too long winter.  I am planning all my planting, pruning and moonshine making so I will be ready when the heat finally arrives.  I've always said that living up here in the Northern part of the midwest keeps one sturdy, humble and deeply respectful of mother nature.  So on the days where the earth mother is kind, I fall into a kind of swoon, where even my husband and teenages sons can't take the smile off my face.  I think the older I get, the more sensitive I am to the sun's magic.  Not so much because of my creaking bones, just simply because of the light.  And because our winter has been on the frigid and cloudy side, I truly appreciate the sun when it shines, especially as the days get longer by a few minutes everyday.  I could even breath through my nose today without freezing anything , and I definitely caught a whif of live things, which are usually dormant until at least March.  So, I'm ready for the newness to begin.

Last night I dreamt of walking down a long road through woods and hills, and up on the hills were several groups of people in linen robes, standing around open graves.  It was wide spread, it seemed and I couldn't but help be concerned with their sadness.  In great times of change, much will die away...somethings are no longer necessary, but some things are so ingrained in our lives that we can't help but grieve.  An important part of grief, though, is to incorporate all that was good into our journey forward.  Although the ties we make may seem broken now, they can transform into something even greater.  I guess when you put time into something, a relationship, a job, a dream it never really dies, it just goes on through the people that wasted the necessary time to build it.  Letting go of expectations that were rooted in an old way of thinking may seem like moving ahead on a highway without a vehicle, but maybe it's the clearer way to go.  It seems to be what is being asked of us these days, when things seem to be taken away.  What do we really need?  That is an important question to ask as we build a new future.  I would venture to say, not as much as we think we do.