I seem to be living in a time warp these days.  Perhaps it's because the holidays have snuck up on me too fast, and the thought of families on both sides being together in a confined space is the reason my soul has begun to shake with karmic anticipation.  I can't believe how fast this year has gone, and how much has happened.  The paradigm shift we are entering will only pick up speed and cause mind boggling change, which as a result of my free falling dream months ago, I fear less and less.  Trusting the universe and our own personal instincts at this point is so important.  I try to keep a level head when the world feels like it's spinning out of control.  That isn't to say that I'm very good these days at helping other people keep a level head.  There is a test of wills every day at my house and I often grow weary of explaining over and over again how things work at our house.  Any grade below a C for the week, and the x-box and computer keyboard stay at the office.  Last night they seemed to believe since it was Thanksgiving vacation the rules should change...but they don't and when I checked their grades this morning (they are listed on-line...so cool) one had them up and the other down.  That will offer some interesting dymanics this weekend...which of course will prove to be the only moments that move slowly for me.  Yet, I am thankful.  It's all part of the job...and the desire to slam my head against the wall will be fleeting, I'm sure.

 

Dreamland...so strange, so compelling, so covert.  

I had an upsetting discussion with my oldest child yesterday about a controversy with a new game that has a strategy to kill civilians.  Not only was I appalled, but my son's remarks were so nonchalant that I got really upset.  He said, yeah..I don't think it's a good idea, but I respect the gamers for living outside the box...to which I responded...after I went around and picked up the pieces of brain matter that splattered all over the wall as a result of my HEAD EXPLODING... You have to be kidding me...not to step on anybody's civil liberties here...THAT IS INSANE.  The definition of living outside the box is because you're solving a problem that standard means can not answer...Exploding people to solve a problem is never and answer.  To which he replied, that the gaming community had great discussions about it.  Of course, non of the discussion involved how we desensitize people to extreme violence by programming neuropathways to respond to a violent situation with violence by playing a game over and over.  I asked him how people create habits, and when his eyes rolled back into his head because he knew what was coming, I told him this: "Right now your eyes rolling back in your head is a programed response to when I challenge you on a difficult subject...or because I'm lecturing you.  You didn't even have to think about it...you just responded."  He got real quiet and said he rather spend time looking into his head than answer my question.  It can't end here, it is upsetting to see how entertainment revolves around blowing things up, crashing cars and being dragged into hell (the movie my wonderful archeologist nephew brought while he watched my children this weekend).  I fear for our future, and our inability to think outside of the box....

A friend emailed this to me...I couldn't stand my shoes anymore...the reason I look like a troll

Usually November is full of gray rainy days, blowing wind and barren branches and temperatures that chill through fall jackets.  This year, though, we have been spoiled with the kind of weather that we usually call Indian summer in late September and October.  It has been really hard to concentrate...on anything.  I could walk for miles with just my ipod and a water bottle it's just been that perfect.  I keep waiting for the shoe to drop, because in this part of the country it always does.  It's the one thing that tempers my Pollyanna attitude...or beats into submission really.  It seems funny how too much optimism can turn you into a cartoon.  That isn't saying that living in the midwest is roughing it by any means, but I can always rely on the weather which often is never tame or kind to toughen up my hide.  But lately?  She is too soft and I am feeling complacent and lulled into a somatized stupor.  The frigid weather is coming, of that I can be sure...but it's harder to be ready for it this way...

 Chicago was so much fun!  Hopefully there was alot of money raised for Our Children's Homestead.  I was not incharge of the camera, so when other's email me theirs, I'll post more.  It is just good to get away some times and rejuvenate.

 

This weekend Steve and I will head to Chicago (actually the Aboretum in Lisle, Il) for a charity ball raising funds for an organization called "Our Children's Homestead" that creates a safe living enviroment for troubled youth, often stuck in the foster system.  While I'm looking forward to spending time with great friends, spending the last few days looking for a ball gown...which if I knew anything at all is an endevor that must take place weeks in advance.  Every dress I tried on was at least two feet too long.  Either I hadn't noticed that I'm a dwarf living amongst elves or the only women who attend charity balls are tall and wear 6 inch heels.  Anyway, I found a beautiful dress but even after a quick hem job by my mother in law, it is still too long and I have to buy tall shoes.  I'm sure Steve will love it, but I'll be paranoid of falling all night long.  There will be pictures.

My son commented after school yesterday that he was shocked at how controversial Galileo was for teaching the world revolved around the sun vs everything revolving around earth.  I replied that we all like to think that we are the center of the universe, that and noone embraces a paradigm shift easily.  It's easier believing in the same set of rules, or truths even when there is evidence to the contrary.  The best thing is to keep an open mind, and be cautious at the same time.  When I think of all the advances in technology alone that my sons will be privy to throughout their lives it is essential that they keep an open mind for the future.  I did remind him of what George Santayana said, "those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it"  I don't think he fully appreciated what that statement fully meant.  I do think that every generation thinks they are the smartest and the best and can hardly conceive of themselves as ancient or out of date.  I do feel like the human function part of life took precedence over the technological...meaning we had to do things for ourselves instead of letting a machine do it for us.  It's my hope we don't phase our humanity out of the equation.  I'm ok with not being the center of the universe, but would still like to be an integral part of it.  The world is changing, of that we can be sure...I don't think people realize just how much.  My free falling dream is taking on increased importance every minute that passes by.  Recognizing patterns can be burdensome because most people don't want to hear it, or they just ignore it.  I fear they won't survive.